you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
