Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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