you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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