I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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