I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
