Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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