Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
