I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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