I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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