I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
