He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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