well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
