Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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