i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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