Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
