"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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