Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
