So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
