Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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