do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
