i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
