It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
