Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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