Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
