i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
