I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
