i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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