You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
