So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
