this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
