dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
