He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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