What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
