They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
