Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
But theres a keg here and me gusta
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
