I think im going to throw up on grandma
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
