Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
