either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
