mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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