Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
