Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
