Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it because I queefed?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
