He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
