What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
