went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Randomize
