i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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