He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just found puke in my bra..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
