Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
