how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
