the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
