Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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