before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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