Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
