it wasn't lemon gatorade
We need to rekindle our bromance
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
