Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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