I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
